Kagome Gets a Zit
by Celebrian Telemnar
Summary: What would happen if Inuyasha got the chicken pox? What about if no one knew what it was? What does this all have to do with an amused Kouga, a PMSed Sango, and a boy inside a mirror? Rated for a few bad words. Chapter three up!
1. Kagome gets a Zit

Hello, people!! Okay, I've had this idea forever now, and my sister's been nagging me to get it up. So now, I'm finally getting the story out! Be warned, this is a very sad attempt at a humor fic and will probably suck, but there you go. Thanks for reading and R&R! Oh, and if you have anything to help with my writing, please tell me!-Shauna  
  
Disclaimer: Inuyasha doesn't belong to me. I mean, think about it. If Inuyasha DID belong to me, why do you think I'd be here? I'd probably be off somewhere spending god-knows-how-much money on various things that have no purpose in life except to rot the brains of innocent minds so that the anorexic midgets can rule the world. Or something like that.  
  
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Kagome Gets a Zit  
  
The young girl stared into the mirror, shocked. How could this have happened to her? Why? In all of heavens, why? The dreaded thing that had haunted growing adolescents and even some adults. There was a solution, but who knew how long that would take? Then, a burst of realization swam over her.  
  
She had to meet him. Right now.  
  
"I can't let Inuyasha see me like this," Kagome mused aloud. "Would he find me repulsive?" Just then, she heard a knock on her bedroom door. "Kagome?" her mom asked. "Your dog-eared friend is waiting for you. He seems to be in a hurry." "Okay, mom," Kagome replied before returning to her thoughts. 'I guess I have no choice."  
  
She walked outside to well (making sure to cover the horrible evil which rested upon her nose), where Inuyasha was waiting for her. "What the hell took you so long?" he demanded. 'Nice way to say hello,' Kagome thought, but she was used to it by now. "Let's go," she said as she headed toward the well. "Hey, wait a minute," Inuyasha said.  
  
Kagome turned around. "What is it?" she asked. He grabbed the hand covering her nose. "What's wrong with your face?" he questioned. "Nothing!" she replied, almost too loudly. "Don't play with me, Kagome, I know you're hiding something!" "Inuyasha, let go! You're pushing me backwards!" But it was too late. The two of them were falling down the well in a matter of seconds.  
  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-  
  
"Oof!" Kagome exclaimed as she landed. She looked towards Inuyasha, who had momentarily forgotten about her face as a result of the surprise of falling through the well. Kagome decided to climb up and make sure that no one was around before making a break for it. 'Maybe there's a cure in this time,' she thought. 'A chant, a spell, anything. I'm desperate.'  
  
Kagome climbed up the well and poked her head out, making sure that only her eyes were revealed. "Good, no one's here," she muttered. She quickly glanced and Inuyasha to make sure that he wasn't following her and dashed off to the woods. Unfortunately, a young kitsune had been sleeping in the grass between Kagome and her destination and the girl tripped over him.  
  
Shippo woke up with a yawn. "Oh, Kagome! You're back!" he said delightfully. Kagome picked herself up and, upon seeing her face, Shippo let out a bloodcurdling scream.  
  
Upon hearing this, Inuyasha immediately went to see what was wrong. He skidded to a stop and gazed upon the object that Shippo so terribly feared.  
  
It was a zit. A horrible, disgusting zit. It truly destroyed the girl's looks. Kagome was on the verge of tears.  
  
"Just say it. I'm ugly. I'm ugly, aren't I, Inuyasha?" she cried. She truly felt miserable. But Inuyasha wasn't paying any attention to her emotions. He was staring at the bump on Kagome's nose. He didn't think. He didn't blink. He just kept staring, staring, staring.  
  
Kagome noticed his silence. 'Oh, god, now he really does hate me. Why do I have to be cursed with this stupid acne? It's not my fault! Fighting youkai and collecting shards is very stressful!' She cried even harder. But what really upset her was the fact that Inuyasha said nothing. She stared at him through teary eyes. "Inuyasha? Why don't you say something?" No response. Kagome burst out in endless wails. "Oh, now look what you've done!" Shippo said. "You've completely hurt her feelings! You should apol.."  
  
Shippo stopped as he saw Inuyasha approach Kagome. Gently, he held her face in his hands and stared deeply into her eyes. His face inched closer.and closer.and closer.  
  
'Oh, my god, is he really going to.. going to.. going to kiss me?' Kagome began blushing a rosy color. It was only when he raised his hand that she realized what he was going to do.  
  
"Sankon-Tets.."  
  
"OSUWARI!!!"  
  
Inuyasha fell down with a loud 'wham!' "Bitch! What was that for?" "Inuyasha, what the heck do you think you're doing??!!" Kagome screeched. "Are you trying to kill me?" "I was trying to kill that youkai on your face!" Inuyasha replied. "Anyone with half a brain can see that!" Kagome looked shocked. "Is it really that bad?" she asked. Tears began to fill her eyes for the second time that day. Even if Inuyasha was a bit thick, it was awfully low of him to suspect that her zit was a youkai. She looked down and muttered, "I should just go home. It's obvious that I'm too ugly to be around." Kagome began to walk towards the well when Inuyasha grabbed her arm, holding her back. "Hold it," he said. "You're not going anywhere until I get that thing off of your face. Now hold still!" "Inuyasha! It's nothing more than a zit! All I have to do is wash my face twice a day for a few days and it will go away!" "You sure?" Inuyasha asked, a quick plan forming in the hanyou's mind. He picked up Kagome and headed for a river, with Shippo in hot pursuit.  
  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-  
  
"Hey, Sango.." a confused monk asked.  
  
"Yeah, what?" responded the equally confused taiyjia.  
  
"Why is Inuyasha dunking Kagome's head in the river repeatedly?"  
  
"I have no clue."  
  
Sango and Miroku had found Kagome, Inuyasha, and Shippo after hearing the ever-infamous cry of 'Osuwari!' They were calmly waiting as Shippo tried to fill them in. Miroku looked flabbergasted; he had never heard of such a thing. Sango on the other hand, began to wail as her early teenage memories were reawakened.  
  
"Oh, you poor thing!" Sango cried. "A zit, of all things! How could this happen? You must be so mortified!" "There, there, Sango," Miroku said, unnecessarily comforting the teenage girl. Shippo, on the other hand, was terribly confused. He too, believed that this mysterious 'zit' was a youkai, but he had learned from Inuyasha's mistakes. He looked over to where the hanyou was dunking Kagome's head in the water again and again. 'Well, there's only one thing to do,' he thought. "Kitsune-bi!"  
  
"ARRGGHHH!!!" Inuyasha cried as the blue flames scored his crimson clothing. Sango, quickly snapping out of her zit-enforced pity, took charge of the situation. "QUICK!" she bellowed. "INUYASHA! STOP, DROP, AND ROLL! KAGOME! GET ME A HUGE BUCKET OF WATER!" "Umm, Sango, we're next to a river." "I KNEW THAT, KAGOME! NO NEED TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS IN TIMES OF CRISIS!" Kagome and Shippo then proceeded to hide themselves behind Miroku as Sango grabbed hold of Inuyasha and rolled him over and over along the river's edge. When that didn't work, the grabbed the Hiraikotsu and slammed it into Inuyasha's stomach, sending him flying into the river. Cries of "Sango, you bitch!" could be heard as Inuyasha flowed downstream. This caused Kagome to forget about her facial problems and try to save the poor boy from an unlikely death. Unlikely death or not, these new circumstances caused Sango to hyperventilate and then pass out. Miroku caught her, but not without taking the opportunity to feel her bottom. "Miroku!" Shippo shrieked. "Inuyasha's flowing down the river! What are we gonna do?" Miroku, quickly gathering his senses, didn't need to be told twice. He threw Sango over his shoulder, grabbed Shippo by the tail, and ran downstream, soon catching up with Kagome.  
  
"INUYASHAAA!" Kagome screamed. Inuyasha was flowing downstream, inhaling gallons of water as he went. If the hanyou had any weakness besides the new moon, it was apparently water. He sputtered and sputtered until he caught sight of something that made his heart fall. "Oh, crap! Waterfaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall!!"  
  
Inuyasha was soon plummeting to his doom.  
  
Or so he thought.  
  
He would have, had it not been for Kagome's quick thinking, or rather, lack of judgment. Knowing that he could turn into a giant pink balloon thingie, Kagome hurled Shippo downwards so that he would be able to catch Inuyasha. It would have worked, had it not been for the fact that Shippo seemed to enjoy the changes in pressure that occurred when Inuyasha bounced off him and continued to act as a trampoline for a few moments. This all stopped when Sango reawakened and realized her position. She gave Miroku her well- known slap which knocked him off of the edge and onto Shippo's ballony body. The poor orphan could hold only one person at a time, not two, and retransformed into his kitsune form, much to the disappointment of Inuyasha and Miroku. The three boys fell into the water, causing a big 'splash!' Sango decided it would be a good idea to call Kirara so the cat could pick them up. When the whole group was reunited, Inuyasha said something that startled them all.  
  
"All right, I'm gonna slay that youkai once and for all!"  
  
Apparently, the day's events hadn't made Inuyasha forget about his original goal. "What a one-track mind," Miroku whispered to Sango. Kagome, instead of crying for the third time that day, became infuriated. "Inuyasha! How many times do I have to tell you before it gets through your dense head! This is a zit! A freaking zit! It is not a youkai and will go away with soap and warm water! Get it through your head!" Inuyasha was crushed. He never wanted to hurt Kagome; he just wanted to save her from the horrifying zit. "Kagome, I." he began, but was soon interrupted when he was rudely forced to the ground. Since there were no words from Kagome, this could only mean one thing.  
  
"Hey, Woh-mahn!" Kouga said in an uncharacteristically jolly mood. "Kouga, you jerk!" Inuyasha scowled. "Get lost, I'm busy here!" "With what?" Kouga asked, not really caring. "There's a youkai on Kagome's face!" Shippo cried, forgetting about not hurting Kagome's feelings. "What are you talking about?" Kouga replied. He grabbed Kagome and turned him towards her. One look at her face told him all he needed to know.  
  
"Aaahhh!! Oh, my god! What is that?! It's utterly hideous! Get it away, get it away!" That did it. Convinced that she was no longer wanted, Kagome ran blindly toward the woods. Unfortunately, she was running blindly, which meant she wasn't really paying any attention to where she was going, and ran smack-dab into a tree. She fell backwards, unconscious, while the others just stared and sweatdropped.  
  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-  
  
That evening, the whole group gathered in Kaede's hut. Kagome was still unconscious and had some sort of herbs covering her zit. Kaede, meanwhile, was still trying to figure the whole situation out.  
  
"So..yeah..really..erm..what was that again?" This would take a bit more explaining.  
  
Tired from the day's events, Shippo decided to take a lollipop from Kagome's backpack. He began licked the sweet delight and went outside to reflect upon the days events. Just as he was nearing the end of his lollipop, he bit into and screamed.  
  
"OOOOWWW!!! MY TOOTH!!! MY POOR TOOTH!!!!!"  
  
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So, how was it? Good, bad, ugly, horrible? Please tell me what you think! I know, Sango was pretty OOC in this chapter, but that's nothing compared to what I have in store for her in the later chapters. Hehehe! Oh, and this story does have a plot, by the way. It will just take a while for the plot to be developed. Next chapter: "Shippo gets a toothache!" R&R! 


	2. Shippo gets a Toothache

Hey, people! Yes, I know it's been a long time, but I'm surprised some people were waiting! What? You weren't waiting? Well, how rude! But be warned, I don't think this chapter is as funny as the other one. I'll try to pick it up later on.  
  
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Inuyasha. All I own are some CDs, my laptop (which you CANNOT have), and a box of tissues. So sue me. On second thought, don't.  
  
Chapter Two: Shippo Gets a Toothache  
  
The kitsune's sudden cry created awareness within everyone in the hut, except for the slumbering Kagome. Kaede, Sango, and Miroku rushed outside to see what was wrong, while Inuyasha and Kouga just sat there glaring at each other. "Shippo, what's wrong?" Sango asked as she arrived at the area where Shippo lay in pain. She cradled him lovingly in her arms and repeated her question. "Shippo, what's wrong?"  
  
Shippo looked at her through tear-filled eyes and said, "My tooth, Sango, oh it hurts!" "Aww, poor Shippo. Now how about you open your mouth and let me see, okay?" Sango coaxed. Shippo opened his mouth with to give Sango a good view. It was evident to see what had caused the problem. All of Shippo's young fox teeth were a beautiful shade of white. All except one.  
  
"Shippo! What on earth have you been eating?" Sango cried. "One of your teeth, it's just so icky!" "What a descriptive word," Miroku said sarcastically. Sango glared at him and said, "Well, why don't you take a look, Mr. I've-Got-Such-An-Excellent-Vocabulary?" Miroku decided to see just what was the matter with Shippo's mouth and peered inside. "Oh, my god! Poor Shippo, let's get you inside and see what we can do."  
  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-  
  
It was tense. Very tense.  
  
Neither moved a muscle. Especially not in the face.  
  
Kouga crossed his eyes.  
  
Inuyasha began laughing out loud until he realized that he had lost. "Dammit, Kouga, that's cheating!" he growled. "Heh, there's no rule about crossing our eyes, dog-turd. We just can't close 'em." Inuyasha growled. "That's still cheating!" "No, it's not!"  
  
"Yes, it is!"  
  
"Nu-uh!"  
  
"Yu-huh!"  
  
"Nu-uh!"  
  
"Yu-huh!"  
  
"What on earth are you two muttering about?"  
  
Kagome had woken up.  
  
"Who-mahn!" Kouga shouted gleefully, but then noticed the zit and backed away. Kagome, completely oblivious for god knows what reason, looked around the room and asked, "Where are Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Kaede?"  
  
"Out," Inuyasha replied gruffly. He was still upset about the fact that no one believed him. "Out, where?" Kagome asked. Then, as if on cue, the missing quartet arrived in the doorway. Shippo looked like he had been crying.  
  
"Aaawww, what's wrong, Shippo?" Kagome asked. Shippo's eyes began to tear up again as he tried to answer Kagome's question. "Wuh-wuh-well, m-my t-t- tooth ruh-really hurts!" And he began wailing.  
  
Kouga's ears perked up. "Oh, a toothache! I know the perfect cure for a toothace!" he announced. The others just stared at him in disbelief. "What? Well I do! Lil fox dude, come with me!" Shippo, willing to try anything, followed Kouga outside along with the others. Kouga led the whole group to a clearing. "Now, the first thing you have to do is lick you lips," Kouga instructed. Shippo licked his lips. "Then, wash your mouth out with mud." Shippo did so. "Next, run around in a circle three times." Shippo ran. "Okay, now you have to recite every song you can think of in the next three seconds while standing on one foot and balancing a dog on your head." "But that's hard!" Shippo complained. "Do I care?" Kouga asked. "Do it!" "Where's he supposed to get the dog?" Miroku asked. All eyes turned to Inuyasha.  
  
"Feh!" he replied. "I ain't doin' it!" "Kagome," Kaede muttered, instructing the girl on what to do. "Osuwari!" WHAM!  
  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-  
  
It was really a site to see. The only songs Shippo knew by heart were the ones that Kagome had sometimes sung under her breath while she was walking with them. And the ones she had taught him. But for some reason, only a few of them would come to his mind. "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie woooorld.."he sang while standing on one foot. Balancing Inuyasha wasn't all that hard and the three humans awed at his strength. Kouga couldn't help but smile to himself upon seeing Inuyasha's sour expression.  
  
"Life's plastic. It's fantastic.."  
  
"Now," Kouga began, "You have to do ten jumping jacks in the middle of a river with a fish in your mouth, and.." "Umm, Kouga?" Sango asked. "Just what exactly are these outrageous antics supposed to accomplish?" Sango asked. "Hmm? Oh, nothing. I just wanted to see if the little dope would do it." "Kouga-kun, that isn't very nice," Kagome scolded. "Oh, so he can trick Shippo into doing all sorts of stupid stuff, but I can't touch the brat without getting a god dammed 'osuwari!'?!" Inuyasha yelled. He was truly upset.  
  
"That's right, dog-turd! That's 'cause my woh-mahn loves me and only me!"  
  
"Like hell she does!"  
  
"She does too!"  
  
"Does not!"  
  
"Does too!"  
  
"Does not!"  
  
"Yu-huh!"  
  
"Nuh-uh!"  
  
"Yu-huh!"  
  
"Nuh-uh!"  
  
"Oh, would you shut up?!" Miroku bellowed. "Now, dealing with our problem, I have come up with the perfect solution for Shippo's toothache." The others looked at Miroku expectantly. He pulled out a bottle from his robes containing a pale liquid. "THIS," Miroku announced, "is the answer to all problems." With that, he poured the contents of the bottle down Shippo's throat.  
  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-  
  
"Umm, Miroku?" Kaede asked cautiously. "What exactly did you give Shippo?"  
  
It was obvious why she asked this question. For the past ten minutes Shippo was acting rather...unusual. But it was just the little things..chewing on Kouga's tail, attempting to paint Inuyasha's ears, having a conversation on beauty products with the Hiraikotsu..little stuff.  
  
"Oh, just some sake," Miroku answered. "What the hell?! You made him drunk!" Inuyasha said. "Oh, big deal," Miroku replied. "It's just a nasty side effect. The point is, he's forgotten about his toothache, hasn't he?" "Heheheheheheheheheheheheheeeeee!!!" All eyes were directed at Shippo, who was running around and giggling madly to himself. Eyebrows where then raised as Shippo ran off to jump into a pond full of fish. When the group went to see why he did so, it seemed that Shippo and the fish were having some sort of battle.  
  
"Hey, are those fish supposed to eat foxes?""  
  
"Apparently."  
  
"Hey, what's all that red stuff?"  
  
"It's blood! Shippo must be beating the fish!"  
  
"YAY, SHIPPO!"  
  
"Hey, he sunk!"  
  
"No he didn't. There must be a fish down there, and Shippo's not going to let it escape!"  
  
"Go, Shippo!"  
  
"Um, guys? He's not rising.."  
  
It was true. Shippo stayed underwater for sometime before the other's realized that something must be up.  
  
"How long do you think he is able to hold his breath?" Kaede asked. "I wouldn't say more than a few seconds," Kouga replied. "Do you think someone should get him?" Inuyasha asked. "I think we should," Kagome began, "and Miroku should be the one to do it." "W-why me?!" Miroku stuttered. "Because it's your fault he's drunk!" Sango said. "What did I do?" Miroku asked. "All I did was give him some sake!" "And you didn't even think of the consequences?" Kouga asked. "What consequences? My dad gave me this stuff all the time as a kid, and it never bothered me one bit!" "Maybe that explains why he's so weird," Sango muttered. "Nah," Kaede said. "It must run in the bloodline." "I'm sure," Inuyasha muttered. "Who cares, somebody just save poor Shippo!" Kagome wailed. Inuyasha, unfortunately not being the brightest in the bunch, did not take the opportunity that was so graciously thrown onto his lap. Kouga, however, did.  
  
"Don't worry, Kagome!" he said all hero-like. Then, jumping into the pond like the prince he is not, Kouga set off to retrieve Shippo.  
  
'This,' Kouga realized after diving in, 'is not the safest place to be'  
  
"Soooo..," Sango began, "..what do we do now?"  
  
The whole group looked around. Since Kouga was rescuing Shippo, there really wasn't much for anyone else to do. "All for a round of poker, say aye," Inuyasha said flatly. "Aye!" the rest chorused.  
  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-  
  
Later on.  
  
Kouga, being the over-egoed wolf that he is, surprisingly did manage to save Shippo from the horrible deaths of the evil fishies. Shippo, being the pathetic runt that he is, passed out for what is likely the next four days. Kagome and Sango, being the girls that they are, wept at the lost of their friend, who, as Miroku pointed out, was not lost, but unconscious. This remark received a whack from the Hirakotsu. In which case, Miroku was out for four days, too. And Inuyasha, well...let's just say he really likes the feel of his claws on his skin.  
  
"ARRGGHH!!! Damn red spots!"  
  
Like I said, this chapter is nearly as funny as the first. I was lacking in inspiration. I'll try to make the next chapter funnier. Next chapter: Inuyasha gets the Chickenpox! 


	3. Inuyasha gets the Chickenpox

Haha, I'm back! And now, I've brought you the third chapter! Oh, and many thanks to Sailor Saturn for being the first reviewer of chapter two. And to all my reviewers, I love you all. Your reviews really help. Sorry for not getting this up sooner, I'm going to try to work on that. Now, I'm working on this as I'm watching my newly bought anime DVD, "Gokudo". I love it. It's so funny! Oh, and also, die-hard Japan fans will have to use their imagination (sort of). You see, in Japan, there is no word for the f-word. But in this fic, Kagome gets really pissed and says it (it's censored, of course). So, she's basically saying something that doesn't exist in her language. Like that matters.  
  
Disclaimer: Do I own Inuyasha?? What do you think??  
  
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Inuyasha gets the Chickenpox  
  
"Inuyasha, I *seriously* doubt it's good to scratch so hard," Sango said. The group had been observing his Inuyasha in his scratching frenzy for quite some time. Luckily, by some unknown power, he hadn't scratched off all of his skin.  
  
"Damn red spots!" Inuyasha spat again. "How the heck did they get all over me?!" "Inuyasha," Kagome said regretfully, "I'm afraid you have the chickenpox." "What the hell are the chickenpox?" he asked. "Well," Kagome started to say, "it's a condition when you get all these red dots all over you, and they really itch. Chickenpox is a virus, which means it's contagious...."  
  
Kagome's eyes widened, and she demanded, "EVERYBODY! GET AWAY FROM INUYASHA RIGHT NOW!" Of course, the others, not seeing the danger, just stood there with a stoned look on their faces. Kagome sighed. "Contagious mean you can catch it, too...."  
  
At these words, it was a wonder why it didn't take everyone 0.003 seconds to get miles away instead of 0.0035. Kagome looked utterly dumbfounded, not realizing that everyone hated the idea of having the chickenpox so much. Inuyasha was left to ponder new ways to get the horrible itchyness away.  
  
'Maybe I'll just gnaw on random parts of my body until they all go numb.'  
  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-  
  
Unfortuantly for the others, Inuyasha created a fetish for arm-chewing.  
  
"Mmmmm..........they taste so good....." he mumbled. Not even fifty-five of Kagome's 'osuwaris' could quell him. "He....just....won't....stop!" Miroku panted as he ran at top speed. "Time for drastic measures!" Sango shouted. "Hiraikotsu!"  
  
The dangerously over-sized boomerang flew into Inuyasha's stomach, slamming him through the wall and knocking the wind out of him. The group cautiously approached the hanyou for fear he might still be awake and spring at them. At first, he lay still, but then, he twitched just ever so slightly. This was not proof enough for Sango.  
  
Raising the Hiraikotsu threateningly above her head, Sango proceeded to whack it into Inuyasha, striking blow after blow. Kouga, who couldn't care less, was laughing outrageously. Kagome was worried that Inuyasha was in danger of his ribs being broken until Miroku pointed out that he had had numerous holes in his stomach for even days at a time. This was enough for Kagome so she just sat back and let Sango do her thing. Plus, previous experience AN: see chp. 1 had told her no amount of words would stop her. Kaede and Shippo were dumbfounded. They didn't know what to do and were afraid that Inuyasha might become seriously injured. So, in an attempt to stop Sango's actions, Kaede shot the Hiraikotsu with her bow and arrow, snapping it in half.  
  
Sango gasped. No human had *ever* broken the Hiraikotsu before. This was one of the most extreme of all extremities. The Hiraikotsu was *broken*. Again. This, Sango did not like.  
  
"Whoever broke the Hiraikotsu will pay dearly," she threatened. "Now, fess up." Of course, her words had the opposite effect. Instead of answering, the whole group backed away. Except, of course, for the unconcious Inuyasha.  
  
"WHO THE HELL BROKE MY HIRAIKOTSU??!!" Sango thundered. Kaede began muttering, "I'm too old to die, I'm too old to die." Which, of course, she wasn't. Kagome and Shippo were utterly terrified, while Kouga was standing protectivly over Kagome. Miroku had his mind on other things. 'You know, her breasts get bigger when she's mad....'  
  
Sango, with her ultra-sensetive-Miroku's-groping-intentions-mind-ray, picked up on his train of thought. "Hoshi! It was you! You did this so that you could get me in your bed!" "Um, no offense to your brain, Sango," Kouga began, "but how would breaking the Hiraikotsu get you into Miroku's bed?" "I don't know, ask him!" Sango replied. "Somebody's PMSed," Kouga whispered to Shippo, which recived him a lump on the head from Kagome and a confused reaction from Shippo as he didn't get it. And Kaede was all to glad that Sango didn't suspect her.  
  
But Sango, with her ultra-sensetive-Kaede's-accidental-damages-mind-ray, picked up on her train of thought. "So it was you who broke my weapon, Kaede! Prepare to die!" Sango took out a sword from god-knows-where and lunged at the old miko.  
  
But then....  
  
A clawed hand flew up out of nowhere, blocking the sword.  
  
Inuyasha stood in between Sango and Kaede, saving the woman's life.  
  
"Draw your sword and we shall fight to the death!" Inuyasha shouted. Then, he took out the Tetsusaiga and aimed to kill Sango with it. Sango, being in one of her 'moods', fought back. It would have been an interesting fight had Inuyasha not stopped in mid-swing and turned to gaze at Kouga with lustful eyes.  
  
"Oh, Kouga-eo, Kouga-eo, wherefore art thou, Kouga-eo. Deny thy father and refuse thy name, and I shall no longer be a Hojo," Inuyasha declared. "Uh, Kagome? I think your hanyou friend has been smoking something, because he is definetly not stable," Kouga muttered. "No," Kagome stated, "he's probably just delusional from a high fever. He must've gotten the line, which is from 'Romeo and Juliet', from one of my books. We're studying Shakespear in Langage. But how in the world did he know about Ho-....that *jerk*! He must've been reading my diary! Oh, that's the last time I'll let *him* push me around!"  
  
With those words, a certian perverted hoshi and a certain young fox youkai decide to put a certain small pink book with a certain lock on it back in a certain over-stuffed backpack.  
  
Kagome stormed up to Inuyasha and faced him, a menacing look in her eyes. She got right up in his face and growled, "Look here, Inuyasha. I've come here multiple times to find jewel shards, repair your wounds, and kick demon's ass. I've fed you and cared for you and helped you in battle. The least you could do is STAY OUT OF MY ******* PRIVATE LIFE!!!!!!!"  
  
Kouga gasped. Kaede gasped. Miroku gasped. Shippo gasped. Sango gasped. The only one who didn't gasp was Inuyasha since he was still delirious. Anyway, people gasped. They had never heard that word come from Kagome in their lives. Even young Shippo knew this was a big situation.  
  
"Kagome's soiled!" he wailed. "She said a naughty word!" These cries were enough to alert Inuyasha, who had stopped his 'confession' for Kouga. "KAGOME MUST BE PURIFIED!" he announced. As he proceded over to Kagome, Miroku thought of the obvious question that should have been on everyone's mind.  
  
"Hey, why is Inuyasha acting like a freak?"  
  
"He's delirious," Kagome gasped. Inuyasha was dumping buckets of water upon her head as part of the purifying ritual. "And also," Miroku questioned again, "where'd he get the bucket?"  
  
This puzzled everyone. No one had seen any bucket anywhere before all this had happened. Where had that bucket come from??  
  
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"Ohohohohohohohohohoho!" Yamato sighed. Hearing the same laugh for 30 minutes straight could give one a damn headache. "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"  
  
"Nakuru, could you *please* stop with the insane laughing?" he asked. Nakuru, his mistress, looked at him. But Yamato, knowing that gazed, disappeared from her view. Instead, she was left looking at her reflection. Nakuru was a very lovely creature. Clear, olive skin, flaming red eyes, dark black hair with streaks that looked a bit like dried blood. She was all but a goddess. Infact, she used to be one.  
  
"Yamato, come back into view this instant!" she commanded. Immediately, Yamato's clear, blue eyes began to appear in his prison, the mirror, along with his silver hair. He had been sealed there ever since he had first come across Nakuru and was her personal servant. "Yes, m'lady," he said sarcasticly. "What are your wishes?"  
  
"Tell me, Yamato, is there anything new?" she asked. "Anything at all?" Yamato leaned forward in his mirror for a closer look. "Nope...not that I can see," he answered. "Are you sure?" Nakuru inquired. Yamato narrowed his eyes. "Wait...I see the tiniest hint of a mustache..."  
  
"WHAT???!!!" Nakuru screamed. "How? I've done all the precaution, all the spells..." "It's your punishment," Yamato said. "They *are* goddesses, you know. It's not that hard for them to keep track of a demon like you." "Shut up!" Nakuru screamed. "Yamato! Which one of those pathetic losers can I give my condition to?"  
  
Yamato's image faded yet again and was replaced with the scene of Inuyasha and the gang, who were still confused as to where the bucket had some from. The scene zoomed in on Miroku, whose face showed utter annoyance.  
  
"Heheh," Nakuru cackled. "Miroku, my dear monk, I am so sorry. I regret having to do this, since you've such a handsom face, but better you than me. Now Miroku, prepare yourself, for you are about the have one of a woman's greatest fears. Miroku, I bestow upon you...a mustache."  
  
"Nakuru, could you please stop talking like that? It makes me wonder about your sanity."  
  
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Yay! Third chapter up! Hehe, does the ending confuse you? Don't worry, Nakuru and Yamato will be explained in later chatpers. Oh, and I'm sorry, crispy muffin, but I've had a lot of homework lately. Well, I'm tracked out now, so I should be updating quicker. Oh, and GO TO MY SITE! Please! I'm desperate for g-book entries! Tell your friends about it too. ;-) Next time, Miroku gets a Mustache! 


	4. Miroku gets a Mustache

Oh my god...wow...I can't believe it!!!  You like me, you people _actually_ like me!  I'm so flattered!!!!  Thanks a bunch to all of my reviewers!!!!

ginagurl1234:  It would look icky, wouldn't it??

Jen:  I'm that funny??  Wow...  DUDE!!!!!  I'M SUCCESSFULL!!!!!!!  

LaprisLazulKnight88:  Yes, since I know you personally, I can truly agree.  The blonde is 

strong in you.

auri90:  Awwww. *blushes*  Thank you.

Sailor Saturn: Don't worry, there's plenty more of this story to come...

IceDragon:  Yes, I finally got off my lazy ass and updated.  Well, the whole thing with chewing on arms comes from personal experience.  No, not me, my dog.  She'll eat anything.  Oh, and if you think Sango's scary now, wait till later...heh heh heh...

ilovefluffy:  Glad you think so.  A word of advice: Lay off the sugar. ;-)

Wow, I think that's all of them.  Congrats to ginagurl1234 for being the first reviewer and to IceDragon for having the longest review.  Now, without further delay, here is chapter four!!!

Disclaimer: If I own Inuyasha then you owe me money.  And you don't.  All I own are my characters, whose names I am planning to change.  Any suggestions??

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Miroku gets a Mustache

"I'm so handsome...girls just can't resist me!  Well, except Sango, but she's probably PMSing," Miroku said to no one in particular.  "I heard that, houshi!" Sango told him.  "Now get over here.  We're supposed to be discussing important issues!"  "Why, Sango, what is there to discuss?" he asked.  Sango looked puzzled.  "If you want to bear my child," Miroku began, "then there's nothing too it.  Just hop in my bed and..."

"PERVERT!!!!"

WHAM!

Kaede sighed.  "So," she started, "what *do* you think is going on?  I do believe that all these conditions are a bit strange."  "Yeah," Kagome agreed.  She gazed around the hut, looking thoughtful.  "At first, I thought my zit was nothing much, but then Shippo gets a toothache and Inuyasha gets the chicken pox.  It all just seems so weird."  "Nothing much?  Your worry over that zit gave me complete hell!" Inuyasha declared.  "Oh, quit your crying," Shippo said.  "Hey, Miroku?"

Shippo turned to the young priest, who was muttering little phrases to himself such as, "I *am* the sexiest man alive," and the like.  Upon hearing his name, Miroku turned around and gave Shippo a terrible fright.

"AAAAAYYYYIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!  MIROKU'S GOT A THREE-FOOT CATERPILLAR HANGING OFF OF HIS FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

All eyes were directed at Miroku's face.  "My god," Inuyasha muttered, "that is the ugliest thing I have ever seen.  Aside from Kagome's zit."  "Would you shut up about the zit already??!!" Kagome screamed.  "We are here to discuss the vast amount of weirdness that has been going on."  "And the hideousness of Miroku's new mustache," Sango added.  "Miroku," Kaede began, "when did you get the mustache anyway?"

Miroku pondered for a moment.  After he came up with an answer, he said, "I....I really don't know.  It just sort of appeared.  One moment, I had all of my great facial sexiness, and the next, I have the worst mustache ever."  "Facial sexiness?" Kouga muttered aloud but he decided not to dwell upon it. 

"You know what?" Kagome mused.  "The same thing happened with my zit.  I always wash my face thoroughly before I got to bed, and when I get up in the morning.  And then, out of the blue, I get a zit."  "And Inuyasha just happens to get chicken pox, even though I believe that none of us have had it lately, have we?" murmured Sango. "Yeah, you're right," said Shippo.  He came up with the only reasonable answer.

"WE'RE CURSED!!!!!!!"

"Cursed?  No!" Miroku cried.  "Not again!  Not again!  Dammit, why does this stuff always happen to me?!  AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  "But wait," Inuyasha said.  "If we're cursed, then there is only one person who is doing this.  Naraku!"  "Wow, dog-turd, that may be the brightest thing you've said this series," Kouga said.  "Shut up!" Inuyasha yelled as he lunged at Kouga, but got caught in Miroku's mustache instead.  

"Damn facial hair!" Inuyasha growls. He struggled and struggled to get out of the tangled mass of fur, but only succeeded in almost ripping the thing off of Miroku's face.

"Aaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!  It hurts!"  Miroku screamed.  "Stop trying to rip off my upper lip!"  "Upper lip?!" gasped Kagome.  She put her hand to her mouth in shock.  "What is it, Kagome?" Kaede asked.  But Kagome did not respond.  Occasionally, she would rub either her upper lip or her legs, and then make strange motions, as if ripping up the air.

"Umm, Kagome?" Kouga asked.  "What are you doing?"  "And why the hell aren't you trying to help me get out of this mustache?!" Inuyasha roared.  "I think I've got an idea…" Kagome whispered.  "Give me a few minutes in my time, and I'll come up with a solution!"  She ran out of the hut to the well and hopped in.

"Kagome!  Come back here!" Inuyasha shouted, struggling to follow her.  "Ouch!  That hurts!" Miroku squealed, as Inuyasha was still tangled in his mustache.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Back!" Kagome said cheerfully as she reappeared in the well.  "About damn time!" Inuyasha said.  "So, what's your solution?"  "This!" Kagome announced, holding out her hand, which contained something.

"Wax?" questioned Kouga.  "What does wax have to do with anything?"  "Easy," Kagome said, "Miroku, lay down."  Miroku did as he was told.  "Now, I've never done this before, but here goes!"  Kagome smeared the wax above Miroku's top lip.   "Now, I don't know how much of this stuff to put on, so let's just dump the whole thing!"  Kagome said as she applied layer after layer of the wax on Miroku.  She knew it was time to stop when it began clogging up Miroku's nose.

"Now what?" Sango asked.  "Now, we wait…I think…"Kagome responded.  So they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And then they pulled the wax off.

"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Well, at least the mustache is off," Kagome said.  "Along with several layers of my skin!" Miroku countered.  "That freakin' hurt!"  "Oh, get over it," muttered Inuyasha, who was still removing the occasional hair from his clothes.  "Oh really?!"  Miroku was enraged.  "Look at my face.  Look at my face!"  Where Miroku's mustache had been was a patch of sore, red skin that looked like it could flow puss any moment.

"That.  Is.  Disgusting." Sango said.  Miroku bursts into tears.  "Sango doesn't like melee!!!!!!"  He wailed.  "Damn right I don't like you!"  She shouted while turning and walking away from the group.

"I love you…"  
  


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Damn them, damn them, damn them!!!!!!!"  Nakuru squealed.  "They aren't supposed to do that!  Cheaters!"  "Nakuru," Yamato said, "There are no rules.  They can do whatever they want."  "Shut up…Mirror Boy!" Nakuru wailed.  "Oohhh, Mirror Boy," Yamato said sarcastically while rolling his eyes.  "That hurts."  "Oh shut up and tell me if you see anything!"  Nakuru snapped while turning to him.  

Yamato squinted, looking Nakuru up and down.  "Oooohhhh, not good.  I think I'm seeing a bit of a cold sore."  "What?!"  Nakuru screamed.  "Idiots!  Why can't these goddesses leave me alone?"  "Well, you did—"  "Shut up!  Show me which of our group of brats I can pin _this_ one on!"

Yamato's picture faded away and in its place appeared a young girl, about sixteen years old, walking alone with her head to the ground.

"Excellent," Nakuru sneered.  "Let's see if your darling Miroku will look at you now, Sango."

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Yaayyyy!!  Finally done!  After forever, you have the next chapter!  Oh, and I _seriously_ need new names for Nakuru and Yamato.  Could you faithful reviewers please give me some ideas??  They would be greatly appreciated!  Love you all, and keep reviewing! 


	5. Sango gets a Cold Sore

Hello, my lovely reviewers!  Yes, I know, I probably have reviewers no more, since I haven't updated since last July.  And since excuses never work, you can come up with your own reasons on why I've been so lazy.  Anyway, let's get to those reviewers, shall we?

Annelane:  Thank you, dearie!  I'm glad you found it so funny.

Aejavu:  Thank you soooo much for the names!  I can't tell you how much I appreciate them!

IceDragon'08:  Yes, you should watch for evil Sango.  Heheh, this whole chapter's about her and her PMSing-ness.

LapisLazuliKnight88:  Kathryn!!!!  Lol, the wax think was kind of obvious.  I tried to make it not so, but it was still obvious.  UPDATE, DAMMIT!

Sailor Saturn2:  I've already thought of baldness, but not for Kouga.  Wait and see…

Yep, that's all of them.  Thanks again to Aejavu for giving me the names!  I love you forever and ever!  And now, brought to you from my Algebra 1 Plus class (it's a PLUS class!  I didn't fail it the first time, I just didn't get good grades ^^0)

Disclaimer:  I don't own Inuyasha, but I do own Yancha (previously Nakuru) and Kagami (previously Yamato).  As always, R&R!

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Sango Gets a Cold Sore

"…I love you…"

"Hmm?  Whadya say?"

Everyone was staring at Sango.  She blushed and stammered, "Uh, nothing.  I just think we should try to figure out the connections to all this."  I agree," said Kaede.  "These strange afflictions must be of the paranormal.  There is no way it could be a coincidence."  "Unless it was a coincidence," Miroku said, causing everyone to think.

"But wait," stated Kouga.  "If it can't be a coincidence, how could it be a coincidence?"  "Because then it would be a coincidence," the wise Buddha man answered.  The group 'aaahhhhed' with their newfound knowledge.

"So," Kagome began to ask, "how are we going to stop this?"  "Kill Naraku!" Inuyasha declared.  "Umm…haven't we been trying to do that for what, at least 90-some episodes and we _still_ haven't accomplished it?" Shippo asked.  Everyone glared at him.  "So…what now?" questioned Sango.  "Hey…that hurt."

"What hurt?" asked Miroku.  "When I said…ow…….ow, ow, OW!"  "Oh, no," Kouga sighed.  "Something's up with Sango."  Miroku snickered.  "Maybe she's having a 'feminine emergency', if you know what I mean."  "Miroku, what the hell are you talking about?" Inuyasha said.  "Well, you know the way she's been acting lately," said Miroku slyly.  "I'm just saying that it's most likely her time of the…"

**_WHAM!_**

"Sango…I think you killed Miroku."

The group huddled around Miroku's unconscious form.  "Seriously," Kagome began, "he's probably got a concussion now."  "Hmph!" Sango scoffed, then winced and put her fingers to the corner of her mouth.  "He deserved it, that perverted little bas-"

"Okay!" yelled Kouga.  "I really don't want to have to get any of these weird…whatevers, so how about we go and try to find Naraku now?"  "But what about Miroku?" Shippo asked, his eyes wide and focused on Kouga.  "Hmm," Kouga mused.  "Leave him."

"No!"

Everyone turned to Sango, speaker of the previous comment.  She looked down to the ground, blushing, and said, "Well, I don't think that's such a good idea.  I mean, Naraku could find him and torture him…(the group looked at her slyly)…I'm not saying I don't want him tortured!  Well, wait, that's kind of mean, but anyway, Naraku could find out some vital information about us.  Like how Inuyasha changes during the New Moon and-"  "I change during the full moon?!" Inuyasha interrupted.  Everyone looked at him.  "Oops…eheheh I knew that…"

"Maybe Miroku can ride on Kirara," Sango suggested, fingering the corner of her mouth tenderly.  Kagome looked at her with concern.  "Poor Sango.  I know that cold sores can be irritating.  Very irritating.  But fear not!  I have a solution!  I…HAVE…THE POWER!!!"  The last part was said with a He-Man like nature.

Kagome dashed the two feet to her oversized backpack, determined to keep up the dramatic act.  From it she produced four things.

"Carmex, Beeswax, Chapstick, and Blistex!" she announced.  "Sango, take your pick!"

Sango was confused.  What if she chose the wrong one? After all, Chapstick didn't contain menthol!  How could she, simple taijya, make such an important decision?

"Uhh…Einey-meiney-miney-mo…"

"Blistex it is!" Kouga shouts, not waiting for the taijya to finish her government-approved decision making method.  He grabs the Beeswax, being unable to read, and presents it to Sango proudly.  Sango opens the beeswax and puts some on her cold sore.

"Ahh, that feels nice," she murmured as the magical cooling powers of Beeswax started to kick in.  "Almost feels like sex!" said Miroku, somehow regaining consciousness.  

**_WHAM!_**

****

Miroku was no longer conscious.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Yancha was beside herself.  How was it that these lowly…pests were able to cure every infliction she threw on them?  Why did _she_ have to be punished like this?  And worst of all…what was happening to her eyesight?

"Gaah!  I'm blind!"

"Oh dear," Kagami muttered.  "Who do you want this time?"  "I can't see them, dangit, Kagami!  You tell me!"  "Dangit?" Kagami questioned.  "Since when do you start censoring your language?"  "Just do it!"  "All right, Nikes," Kagami said.  But how what he supposed to choose which person would be cursed?

"Einey-meiney-miney-mo…Kouga, **you** are the weakest link!  Goodbye."

_"Kagami!"_

"Alright, alright!  Kouga, you're blind!"  He glared at Yancha.  "Happy now?"  

"I can see, I can see!  Oh beautiful me, I can see!"  "Oh brother," Kagami muttered

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Whew, finally done with that chappie!  I need to stop procrastinating so much ^^0.  I've probably lost all my reviewers…*sniffsniff*.  But never fear!  I'll just get some more!  Oh, and sorry about the lameness of this chapter, I finished it in a rush (couldn't ya tell??).   I doubt anyone got the Nikes thing ^^0.  Next time:  Kouga goes Blind!  And lastly, R&R please!


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